Thursday, October 21, 2010

just us

Tonight we shared a candle-lit dinner together.

We listened to music, danced, snuggled, and exchanged some kisses...

I got help with the laundry and gave a lotioned massage.

What a wonderful night...

                                       with just me.....
                                                                     and Acacia.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

100% selfish

Last week I was overwhelmed with pity for Acacia.

Because I am her mother. 

I am selfish. I am impatient. I am easily angered. I am a bad example.

I was so frustrated that I had been entrusted with a baby; a soul to raise.

Sinful, selfish Arianna.

The unfairness of it was haunting me....

An innocent baby has to suffer because of my -many- imperfections.

All of a sudden 'parenthood' became in my mind this sick cycle that only resulted in ruin for every child.

Then someone spoke to me. Without even knowing what thoughts had been running around back & forth, waring inside me. And it made sense, shedding a far brighter light on being a parent.

The primary reason for difficulties between child and parent is selfishness on both sides.

When I lose my patience, it is because thing aren't going my way.
My sleep is being interrupted
My time & energy is being "wasted"
I don't want to play|read|wait anymore 

Acacia is a baby; all she knows is selfishness. It's how she gets her wants and needs.
And let's face it: not much is going to change there for another 17+ years...

So parenthood can be like tug-o-war... two sides, selfish, fighting against each other.

But I hate that game. And I'm not going to play it... so something has gotta give.

I must sacrifice to meet her needs. Her very-100% selfish needs.

God has given me Acacia to not only raise her with a good example, but to refine me; to burn away my selfishness, my sinfulness.

Parenthood is not a downward spiral of failures causing more failures....
it is the road to true love.

The truest display of love is sacrifice. 

And with this surety and hope I have already become a better mother. 

Monday, October 11, 2010

what matters

It doesn't matter if he...
gets into the shower from the wrong side
can't keep his closet organized by color, let alone style
doesn't care when his socks get twisted on his feet
can't keep a hat on for the day
hates peanut butter
doesn't shave his face every day
hasn't read Harry Potter
rips the sheets out from under the bed every night

What matters is that we love each other....

even if I...
organize my closet by color and style
go crazy when I see High School Musical
can't walk in high heels
only shave my legs once or twice a week
have no idea how to fix my hair 
hate Chipotle 
couldn't care less about football

Friday, October 1, 2010


I clearly remember the beginning of September last week.

Now it's October.

The leaves will turn and fall.

The sun will descend, the breeze chill.

And I'll be busy...
Washing laundry & dishes
Teaching, feeding, spanking, adoring my baby
Washing laundry & dishes
Editing Danielle's book
Washing laundry & dishes

And next week it will be November.