Wednesday, September 12, 2012

always wanting

My husband, the wonderful guy that he is, sends me out of the house this morning to have a breakfast date with me, myself and I. And, more importantly, my Bible.

I drive down the street to vi and order some breakfast, hot tea, and crack open my Bible and journal.

I'm overcome with relief. Peace! I'm going to enjoy this moment. Truth is, I've been a little down in the dumps.

About two weeks ago I posted how delightful things have been going... so of course, leave it to the enemy to come and steal my joy when I'm enjoying it the most.

I've been a little -- okay, a lot -- impatient with my children, feeling stuck in motherhood, confused with  certain relationships, and just plain ol' tired*.

 *Sleep training a one-year-old-co-sleeper-breastfed baby is not fun.

My Bible is opened to continue my read through Psalm 119. If you don't know, it is the longest chapter in the entire Bible with a whopping 176 verses of scriptural goodness. Today I tackle another clump of those verses.

Back to the point, right? Down in the dumps.

Beside the children and sleep deprivation, something that has been festering me is the need to purchase.

"What?" you say? That's just it. I want to buy.

New shoes.
New shirts.

Ok, well mostly just those two item are the ones I really want. But when I set foot in any store I just feel the need to spend. Of course, I don't have the funding to just spend for spending sake... so I leave the store with my intended items.

And I'm left discontent. Always wanting.

I'll justify my thoughts with the fact that what I want is not ridiculous. I'm not just going to go buy a whole new set of towels because I want to switch the colors, even though the ones we have are in perfect condition. No, but... I need to replace my mixing bowls. I've been wanting a better bag. I could use a new jacket. I only fit into two of my pants (going cold turkey on dairy months ago made me shrivel to a bean stalk), so a third would be great. I want to start some art projects, so I need this, that, and the other thing.

Money, money, money, money!

       I hate you, money!

---- I am going to tie these two stories together, I promise. Right now.

Lord, why am I always wanting!?
Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way... The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver. 
Those are words I read, enjoying my breakfast and tea; hungering for Truth.

My love of the words of my Creator and Savior should be more precious to me than things. What comparison is there between eternal truths and shirts that tear?

In reality, what I want is not a new wardrobe, but what I want is to know my Lord more. King David loved God's word; they were his comfort, stronghold, hope, defense, satisfaction. So when I think I'm in need of something this earth offers, my lack is actually a devotion to the Word. There is a richness in those pages that no amount of money can buy.

I check the clock: it's time to get home so Jason can go to work. I chug the last bit of tea, pay my check, and pull my hood over my head before leaving. It's raining outside; a perfect, steady fall. The living water that is quenching the thirst in my soul is even more satisfying than the drops that fall upon me.

Don't you love when the Lord speaks something directly from the letters on that thin page of your Bible to the depths of your heart?

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

the battle

A few minutes ago I finished reading Acacia some stories from her Bible. Today we read about the Israelites crossing the Jordan River and battling over the lands that God had promised them. As God's chosen people were in a quest to inherit the Promised Land, the victory was already theirs.

After we finished, I sat staring into the breeze swayed trees pondering war. Mostly, my gratefulness that  I'm not involved in one. I watched Braveheart this weekend for the first time since I was a little girl. It's a very gory movie. Probably realistic. I'm amazed that men would line up, run, and attack each other; risking harm and death by arrows, swords, spears, and the like. It makes me shudder. Says the girl whose heart rate skyrockets when receiving a shot.

I'm so very thankful that we don't live in times like that anymore. (At least... for now.) No, our world is NOT in a state of peace; and yes, some of us (bless her heart) must sacrifice our dear ones to serve our country and fight for freedom. But, in general, Americans live in peace.

And I think we take that for granted far too much. We've become lazy.

I notice the same issue in the spiritual realm for this country. We've become lazy. We've said the "sinner's prayer"... then we live happy (or not-so-happy), forgetting Him day by day. We lose sight that we were saved from a world of sin into a heavenly Kingdom, the promised land.

The battle isn't over.

The enemy is on the prowl. He is out to steal, kill, and destroy - just like King Longshanks to the Scottish people. Souls are being lost to the enemy. Lives are being ruined. Marriages torn apart. Children abused. Citizens murdered.

And are we fighting for our Kingdom? Are we sitting and watching our neighbors, deceived by the enemies lies, form allegiance with him? Do you observe -- and not take action?

       Beloved Saints,

You must fight with me. I want to wake up and be prepared for battle. Put Truth around my waist, Righteousness for my breastplate, prepare my feet to walk by the Gospel of peace, using Faith as my shield, Salvation as my helmet, equipped with the Sword of the Spirit - which is the Word of God, and most of all, to cloak my life in prayer. I will go in the name, in the love, of the King.

The victory is already won. Christ, the Righteous, has conquered death. But the battle for Life is not over. Death awaits many of those we love. The King must reign in all our hearts.

I'm tired of being a lazy soldier.

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints
Ephesians 6:10-18