Wednesday, September 12, 2012

always wanting

My husband, the wonderful guy that he is, sends me out of the house this morning to have a breakfast date with me, myself and I. And, more importantly, my Bible.

I drive down the street to vi and order some breakfast, hot tea, and crack open my Bible and journal.

I'm overcome with relief. Peace! I'm going to enjoy this moment. Truth is, I've been a little down in the dumps.

About two weeks ago I posted how delightful things have been going... so of course, leave it to the enemy to come and steal my joy when I'm enjoying it the most.

I've been a little -- okay, a lot -- impatient with my children, feeling stuck in motherhood, confused with  certain relationships, and just plain ol' tired*.

 *Sleep training a one-year-old-co-sleeper-breastfed baby is not fun.

My Bible is opened to continue my read through Psalm 119. If you don't know, it is the longest chapter in the entire Bible with a whopping 176 verses of scriptural goodness. Today I tackle another clump of those verses.

Back to the point, right? Down in the dumps.

Beside the children and sleep deprivation, something that has been festering me is the need to purchase.

"What?" you say? That's just it. I want to buy.

New shoes.
New shirts.

Ok, well mostly just those two item are the ones I really want. But when I set foot in any store I just feel the need to spend. Of course, I don't have the funding to just spend for spending sake... so I leave the store with my intended items.

And I'm left discontent. Always wanting.

I'll justify my thoughts with the fact that what I want is not ridiculous. I'm not just going to go buy a whole new set of towels because I want to switch the colors, even though the ones we have are in perfect condition. No, but... I need to replace my mixing bowls. I've been wanting a better bag. I could use a new jacket. I only fit into two of my pants (going cold turkey on dairy months ago made me shrivel to a bean stalk), so a third would be great. I want to start some art projects, so I need this, that, and the other thing.

Money, money, money, money!

       I hate you, money!

---- I am going to tie these two stories together, I promise. Right now.

Lord, why am I always wanting!?
Incline my heart to Your testimonies, and not to covetousness. Turn away my eyes from looking at worthless things, and revive me in Your way... The law of Your mouth is better to me than thousands of coins of gold and silver. 
Those are words I read, enjoying my breakfast and tea; hungering for Truth.

My love of the words of my Creator and Savior should be more precious to me than things. What comparison is there between eternal truths and shirts that tear?

In reality, what I want is not a new wardrobe, but what I want is to know my Lord more. King David loved God's word; they were his comfort, stronghold, hope, defense, satisfaction. So when I think I'm in need of something this earth offers, my lack is actually a devotion to the Word. There is a richness in those pages that no amount of money can buy.

I check the clock: it's time to get home so Jason can go to work. I chug the last bit of tea, pay my check, and pull my hood over my head before leaving. It's raining outside; a perfect, steady fall. The living water that is quenching the thirst in my soul is even more satisfying than the drops that fall upon me.

Don't you love when the Lord speaks something directly from the letters on that thin page of your Bible to the depths of your heart?