Jason has a business trip to Santa Rosa, CA and he is taking me with him [I'm considering this excursion as celebration of our two year anniversary :)]. We depart on Sunday and will return the following Saturday.
Acacia won't be joining us.
My parents will be watching her for the week.
Ever since we have had the responsibility of a child, we've definitely recognized the need to make a will. In case the Lord desires to take Jason and me to Himself, certain important matters need to be accounted for. So before we leave, we have agreed to finally write out our 'last testament'.... who gets Acacia, our house, our belongings, etc.
I'll be quite frank: this has been difficult for me to process.
To think of Acacia growing up without the love of her mother and father; our families having to sort through all our things; for some to live in our house and take ownership of our possessions; and most of all, the grief that they will experience throughout the situation.
Just as I cannot bear even the idea of the heartache I'd have in losing a loved one, I cannot calmly imagine my loved ones enduring the same affliction.
Do not be confused: I am not afraid of death.
In fact, I am torn between the two - life. and death. As the great apostle Paul writes in his epistle to the Philippians, "For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you." [1:23-24] Oh! to be with my glorious God; my creator and Saviour, to enter the heavenly realm with total freedom from the woes of the world. Yet to continue living, fulfilling the Lord's divine plan for my life; teaching my daughter of His love and truth, being a light to those who are in darkness... Christ being my reason to live. As Wesley puts it, "To know, to love, to follow Christ, is my life, my glory, my joy." The Lord knows what is most needful. And the instant Jason and I have fulfilled our purpose in this place we will no longer be present.
Truly, to live is christ but to die is gain.
That being concluded.... I will write our will.
And I will glory in the sovereignty of the Lord for He works all things together for good.
this post is absolutely beautiful and I can see the glory of Christ shining through this writing. Thank you for reminding me the temporality (sorry if not a word) of this life and what it truly means TO LIVE. You are so right, It is no grief to die and be with the God who loves us and chose us in Him before the foundations of the world.
ReplyDeleteI find myself so similar to you in so many ways. Have an amazing vacation with Jason, so glad your going with him!
and to end your blog with a reminder of God's promise in Romans 8....
stunning.
Your sister, Kristie =)