Thursday, July 22, 2010


No, actually I'm not referring to the international distress signal ..._ _ _...

    But it kinda fits in....

[I am amused right now because I wrote this blog on June 7 - my two year anniversary with Jason... and now I am finally going to finish it]

For my devotional time with the Lord, I read through the Bible, book by book. Two months ago, I read the Song of Solomon.

  As I was reading, I came across something that is always on my heart 
    and I'd like to attempt putting it down in writing.

I charge you, O Daughters of Jerusalem, 
do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.

Three times this it iterated, in chapter 2 verse 7, chapter 3 verse 5, and chapter 8 verse 4. I think we're supposed to pay attention.

And while most of my readers are married women, I have a heart for topics such as this. Because it is not just about purity. It's about being sanctified. Set apart. Consecrated to the Lord. 

To go off topic a bit... there is something that I will share, so you get the whole picture...

Jason is leading and teaching the young adult group at our church. He is currently [until the end of 2010] going through a course on Discipleship; this month, Jason is discussing a life of holiness. While planning for this week's time together, there will be a skit, some onetimeblind clips, and he wanted two testimonies - one from a male and one from a female. He chose which guy would speak then consulted me in reference to the girl. I named off as many as I could... but he just looked at me and said, "I was hoping you would do it." 


This time, thats the distress signal!

I hate speaking in public. I get nervous even talking in a group of eight. So, obviously, I refused. 

But here I am writing this to you and here is my testimony that everyone at Engage will hear. 

I was raised in a non-Christian home.  Since kindergarten, I have been kissing boys… and I have had more relationships than I’d dare to admit to most of you.
After two years of faithful witnessing from a Christian girl-friend, I became a Christian my sophomore year of High School. But not even being a “Christian” kept me from sinful relationships.  Before the age of 18 I had handed over my purity.

After HS the Lord led me to Calvary Chapel Bible College in southern California.
            Actually… the truth is, I went to impress a guy.
But the Lord used it anyway and had me there for a purpose.

Due to a very sinful, manipulatory, unholy relationship that ended during the course of my first year of classes, I began to harbor extreme bitterness and loathing towards guys. I was disgusted with myself and even more repulsed with the opposite sex.

It wasn’t until a year later that the Lord was finally able to soften my hard heart. It was the winter before my last semester at Bible College that I allowed God to truly be ‘Lord’ over my life. I committed myself to standards of holiness that the Lord put on my heart. I was finished with throwing myself at guys to make them want me. The only guy who could have me was one with the same standards and one who would do all the pursuing. 

After consecrating myself to the Lord, a huge weigh was lifted.

A few weeks later the Lord brought Jason into my life.

Now most people would consider my standards as ridiculous and impossible:
-         guy had to respect me physically – never attempt to touch me, not even to hold hands
-         no kiss until the wedding day
-         I refused to be flirtation, pursue, or let on in any way of my attractions
-         I would not define the terms and boundaries of the relationship

So, if Jason wanted me he would have to get me.  He would have to lead the relationship by those holy standards of his own conviction – not just to please me.

As Jason and I began to talk, take walks together, and get to know each other, I didn’t flirt. I didn’t approach him, I didn’t call or even text him.

After two or three weeks of this, I determined to put an end to our time together: because the relationship was undefined and I wasn’t going to be the one to lead that.

That very day, the Lord put it on Jason’s heart to define the relationship.

He told me that the purpose of pursuing me was for the intentions of marriage.

Until this point we hadn’t even hugged – which was odd, since we both hug everyone; but I was so grateful, and felt so respected by him. We held hands once but afterward we talked about it and Jason decided that he wouldn’t hold my hand again until he put a ring on it for engagement. He also informed me that it was his desire to not kiss until marriage.

And so... our first kiss was June 7, 2008 at the altar before the Lord.

We NEVER held these standards out of legalism, but obeyed because we love the Lord and respected one another. There were times of struggle and imperfection, but we would immediately repent and return to the conduct the Lord called us to.

I will be truthful:  
My promiscuity not only caused those short term consequences (the bitterness and pain) but also some longer term hurdles that Jason and I must conquer now together.

I charge you, O Daughters of Jerusalem, 
do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases.

There is a time for love. A time for intimacy. But until it pleases love must not be tampered or tempted. 


  1. Wow Ari, I read this yesterday and it just blew me away. I had NO idea about over half of this. It was a good way to I guess understand you better :) Way to be an AMAZING Christian and follow in God's foot steps.

  2. Started night of 7/23
    I sit here filled with Peace that passes all understanding as I cry the most joyous tears ever! When I first met you I saw your love for God and I wanted to be just like you. A few weeks later I gave away my purity to another brain injury victim. I was twisting or not fully understanding the Bible and thinking that 'equally yoked' meant he had to be brain-injured too. After a while of feeling that I was now a failure and like no Christian man would accept me I God kept showing me how I needed to fully trust in Him. SORRY, WENT OUT OF TOWN
    Finished on 7/26—
    Fully trusting God meant trying to Christian-ize every guy I met by introducing him to how wasn’t going to work. It was time to wait—I was getting ready to be alone forever. I thought it was completely un-Biblical for any Christian man in his right mind to be with me. I was looking over my prayer journal since my accident realizing that I was selling myself short and quit asking God for it Godly man because I was interpreting the Bible how I wanted to. After praying about it and reading the whole not equally yoked passage more and asking some fellow believers about it, I realized I was selling myself short. I'm not sure what gave me the idea that I had the power to change God's Will, but I realize that I should continue praying for a Godly man.
    A few short weeks later I met Kevin... and the rest is history (some of which has not been written yet…lol, but in God's time it will be).

    I'm not sure if that makes any sense and writing it on two separate days was not very good but I had to leave! Did you share your testimony already (the week I was gone)?

    If all that doesn't make any sense, I just want to say THANK YOU!
    Love, Kimi

  3. I was just re-reading the end about the things you and Jason must conquer together and I think about you and Jason and Kevin and I. Isn't it wonderful that God blessed us with such understanding, Godly men that want to help us deal with anything that may arise as a result of the sin?
    God is so amazing!!

  4. OOoppss! I meant NOT trying to Christian-ize guys... sorry!

  5. Absolutely powerful. Praying one day i can have the courage to share my story the way you have shared yours for the sharpening of other's faith.
    "A spring cannot be pure and refreshing until it creates a stream"

    You have refreshed my soul and commended Christ with your life.

  6. Thanks ladies, I hope it was encouraging.

    It was much easier to write post a blog entry then get up in front of all my piers. I felt like a blubbering idiot. Oh well :)

    To HIM be the glory!